Finding Your Perfect Match
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by Rachel Heiser
I had the perfect costume this Halloween. It looked great, was easy, and didn’t cost a fortune. Is it something you would wear? Probably not. Was it sewn perfectly and did it have all the best accessories? No. But, it was perfect for me.
Sometimes we look for perfection and don’t realize that life is not a math test. There are no absolutes. And, we can get caught up looking for something that isn't real. With constant reminders of how “perfect” friends' lives are on social media, we often have to remind ourselves that lives shared on Facebook are not reality – it’s just the highlight reel.
Just like my Halloween costume and many outfits, the best outfit for me may not be universally perfect. The same holds true when looking for your better half. Someone could be perfect for you, without being a perfect person.
Years ago, a friend of mine suggested that I write down all the traits I was looking for in a spouse. The list included cute, smart, funny, along with many physical traits, as many people would include. Then, I was directed to prioritize. I couldn’t create my perfect man out of thin air with all 50 traits I was looking for. But, I could look for someone who met my key criteria. With this in mind, I found my perfect man.
Is he perfect in every way? No. Would he be perfect for another woman to marry? Not necessarily. And, as much as I may not want to admit it, I’m not perfect either. But, we are perfect for each other…even when the cameras are off and we’re not posting on Facebook.
Sometimes what people are looking for is not realistic or they look for someone else’s idea of perfect. Make sure you are looking for someone who is perfect for you. And, focus on the important stuff. While you should not set out trying to change someone, keep in mind that values generally don’t change, while other things may. For example, eating habits, timeliness, jobs, fashion, looks, even exercise habits are things that can change and morph as people grow together. Don’t get hung up on the unimportant details that may change.
Look at the values that drive someone and go from there. Obviously, you want to be attracted to the person. However, you should look at someone holistically and not put up barriers to meeting new people just based on your 100 foot view. People can seem a lot more attractive once they get you laughing.
So, where can you test out this idea of looking at people holistically when you meet new people? The Federation’s Young Leadership Division Big Event Saturday, November 14th at the Cleveland Convention Center. It should be a great party and a great opportunity to meet and mingle.
And, as you prepare for the Big Event, pick an outfit that is perfect for you. Even if it is not perfect for your wingman (or wingwoman). Don’t write off meeting new people just at first glance. Talk with new people and look for your perfect match.
Remember, no one is perfect, even if they are perfect for you.
Rachel Heiser is President and CEO of Cleveland Yentas, a non-profit organization. Cleveland Yentas provides free matchmaking for all Jewish singles over 21. Over 350 people have registered. Learn more or register at www.CLEyentas.com.